I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
