Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
