my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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