Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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