She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
