Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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