I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
