I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
