i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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