Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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