I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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