and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
