it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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