Porn is love you can see.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
