I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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