do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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