its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
