he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
