What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
