Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
