The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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