She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
