I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
