Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
