By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
