my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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