its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you. Go after that dick
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
