It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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