Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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