Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
