So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
