I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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