Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize