State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
