R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
