its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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