does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
