Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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