Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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