i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
