Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize