I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
