I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
