Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Pants are for mortals
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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