Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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