wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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