i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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