All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
