I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
