first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize