Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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