Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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