Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize