He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
