The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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