I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
