Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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