it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How does one acquire holy water?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
