Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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