why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
