it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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