made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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