mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
