Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
