The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
