drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're like the curious george of whores
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
