Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
