yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
